CoffeeTime: “AT LEAST GRANDMA IS THANKFUL!”

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Grandma Gertie is more than ready for Thanksgiving Day to arrive. For the first time in seventeen years, she is going to have her entire family home for Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone has painstakingly arranged their holiday schedules to be able be together at Grandma’s house.

Excited-beyond-measure cannot even begin to describe her emotions. For the last two months she has planned for her big day. The lists of things to do and to buy have been endless. No expense spared. Nothing will be too good for this year’s grand family event. Because all her kids and their spouses, grandkids, and great-grands are going to come piling into her house for the biggest, best-est meal she has ever put together. 

The big day has finally arrived and she has been up and going since five in the morning. So much to do, and so little time! Pre-dinner snacks to assemble, enormous turkey to bake, to be stuffed with her favorite homemade dressing, fresh vegetables to prepare, several salads, pies and cakes to bake, and all kinds of drinks to get chilled. After all, she has no idea what everyone favorite beverage is, so she has bought every kind she could find. 

But non-alcoholic, of course. Anyone who knows Gertie is aware that she is a staunch advocate for everyone being sober. But nobody really knows why. All they know is that “Ya don’t drink anywhere around Grandma! She will call you out in a heartbeat, if she gets even a whiff of alcohol on your breath. You will be hauled out by your ear if she catches you.” The whole family firmly believes that Grandma really does have ESP and a nose that would do credit to a bloodhound.

No, none of the family knows that as a teenager and a young adult, Gertie was a drinker. And not just a dabbler in the art. She was a falling-down-spend-my-last-penny-last-one-to-leave-the-party drinker. Until she finally realized life was passing her by, and she had the courage to get sober and stay there.

Until today. Today Gertie has decided to celebrate. “I’ll just have a tiny sip from that big bottle I bought for cooking today. After all, it’s been seventeen years since we’ve all been together!”

Uh-huh. 

When the family began arriving, Grandma was in her cups, and then some.  They all noticed that Grandma was awfully cheerful and talkative. And weaving quite a bit as she brought all the food out of the kitchen. Exchanging meaningful glances, the family joined together at the dining table and waited for the oldest to ask the blessing.

The huge feast was passed around the table.  Turkey stuffed with mashed potatoes that had a heavy dose of salt. Cranberry salad that tasted suspiciously of soy sauce. Fresh vegetables that were sauteed, and accidentally refrigerated. Ice cream left melting on the kitchen cabinet. Drinks mostly room temperature. No ice. 

But the family had reason to be thankful anyway, cause at least Grandma Gertie was happy. So very singingly, sloppily, happy. 

Make it a Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!